I'm A Dancer Now...Really!

A lot has happened since I last wrote.  It's been a very busy 6 months...with kids, and work and dance.  I am a dancer now...and it's fun.  It may not have started out that way, but now I can honestly say that my weekly classes are FUN.

With a lot of practice and the help of the Resident Dancer (aka Angela), a very patient Miss Kylee, and with the encouragement of my fellow dancers, I now have a routine learnt and engrained in my brain.

Dance classes were overwhelming and "scary" to begin with, and brought back memories of Elementary school, where I didn't quite fit in, felt like the outsider and wondered if I would ever belong. Angela went with me every week to watch from the foyer so she could learn the choreography to teach me at home.  We practiced together every night, sometimes 4 or 5 times until I mastered the choreography and was ready to add on. Then I would come to class and look in the mirror and feel self-conscious again. Sometimes (and I'm not sure how this happened as I'm the parent) Angela was the one saying all the right things to make me feel better and boosting me up after an overwhelming dance class.  She got me through the first 4 months...telling me (she says she was honest) that I picked up choreography quickly, just like she can.

So I "mastered" the first few weeks of choreography easily...and then just as I thought "hey this isn't so bad..I got this", dance threw me a curveball...a step that didn't come easily and one I had had only done in class one week.  The "Pony Step"...a simple set of steps done to the beat of our music and one I felt completely stupid at.  I struggled with this step for over a month, feeling determined but discouraged at the same time.  Angela broke this step down for me at home into 4 sets of 1-2-3, gradually speeding up her counting as I learnt the step.  Over Christmas holidays with 3 weeks off from dance, she helped me figure out this step.  You will not believe how good it felt to hear Miss Kylee say the first week of dance in January, "Nice Pony Step, Brenda" with the thumbs up!!!

Since Christmas, the weeks have flown by, and week by week we added on choreography until we came to our ending pose, about 15-20 seconds before our dance is finished.  At the beginning of the year once we figured out we were going to be Cheerleaders, my fellow dancers decided that maybe I should be lifted and/or "tossed".  Being scared of heights, I immediately said "NO" to the tossing but okay to the lifting.  So there we were about to choreograph our "lift" and I'm trying to be positive and not let anyone know just how worried I was about it.  My knees aren't the best, they act up at times for no reason and going up stairs can be pretty painful at times. So far my knees haven't hurt going up and down from our lift, which isn't hard; I'm not up that high and the girls are supporting me when I'm up and help me coming down.  Believe it or not it feels pretty good up there...for me it's more then overcoming the heights, it's overcoming my not-so-great Elementary school days.

My first time on stage for Dress Rehearsal at the end of February was crazy!!  The first two times we practiced was incredibly funny and full of screw-ups, but the third time through was pretty good.  I haven't been on stage since I was 14, singing with my classmates in our last Christmas concert.  I have never been on stage with less than 20 classmates, and never dancing.  I am 1/6 of the class...and I am no longer afraid of that.  I have learnt that the stage isn't as big (yes, it's bigger than the studio floor) as you think from the audience when you're up there on it.  You have more room to move so you make your dance steps bigger.  Life sometimes feels big too, overwhelming and scary, and so do the things that have happened in your past.  Getting over stuff sometimes takes time, but dancing has given me a chance to express myself the way I had wanted to as a child but never felt I could.  I have been told by my friends that I am brave and have more courage than they do because I am dancing on stage...and yes it does envolve that, but so does dealing with things that your life throws at you. I will have Angels sitting in the audience watching me when I dance on stage for the first time April 30...my Mom and Dad. I wish they were here!

So if you see me dancing on stage, that's me fulfilling a dream I have had since I was a little girl. When you see me up in that "lift", that's me overcoming my fear of heights, and my fears of feeling like I don't fit in. Life is all about taking chances and having the courage to try something new. I'm still having trouble saying the words..but I really am a dancer now!!